A man and his dog were walking along a road.
when it,suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog had
been dead for years. He wondered where the
road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white gate.
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and
as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to
one side. When he was close enough, he
called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
Wow! Would you happen to have some water?"
the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have
some ice water brought right up." The man
gestured, and the gate began to open.Can my friend
come in, too?" the traveler asked.
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned
back toward the road and continued the way
he had been going.
After another long walk,
approached the gate, he saw a
man inside, leaning against a tree and reading
a book.
Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you
have any water?"
Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there". The
man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen
from outside the gate. "Come on in."
How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured
to the dog.
There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there
was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside
it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long
drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, they walked back
toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.
What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
This is Heaven," was the answer.
Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The
man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
Nope. That's Hell."
Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name
like that?"
No. we'rjust happy that they screen out the folks who'llleave their best friends behind.

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door. "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man.
"Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"
What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy. "If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour."
"Oh, " the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?" "If the only reason you want to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish.
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. After an hour or so , the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep son?" he asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here's that $10.00 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, beaming. "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.
"Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20.00 now... Can I buy an hour of your time?"

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot
May I lie back--not have to think
about what they're stuffing down the sink,
or who they're with, or where they're at
and what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean--
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know--
I must have lost them long ago!

    
                                          Visiting penguins
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The
attendant spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do
with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station.
The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am
taking them to the beach."